Dateline: 06/19/98
I'm fortunate in that people have become interested in hearing my opinion on various books they publish. (Or perhaps, more honestly, they hope I like a book that they have published, and will tell you about it). Thankfully, most of the time I'm not only able to do so, but happy to do so.
I recently had the pleasure of receiving a book called Legal Affairs: Essential Advice for Same-Sex Couples. Since I used to practice law I was very much looking forward to this book, and very curious as to how it would handle the widely varying laws as they exist from state to state, hoping that I would not be disappointed. I was not.
The book is divided into two sections, "The Happy Times" and "The Hard Times." As I noted in a previous feature when you have hit the hard times is hardly the right time to decide how you are going to handle the break-up of your relationship. The time to think about being fair with each other is while you are still happy and in love with each other.
The book starts with an overview of the history of marriage and relationships, and notes, "Most religious zealots forget that no one got married in the Old Testament --- the institution as we know it hadn't been invented yet!" and works towards the advent of civil marriage. It also contains an excellent look at the purpose of marriage laws, both de facto and de jure, along with some of the basic truisms that exist from state to state.
In breaking down the agreements that should be reached in any "partnership agreement" the book is very specific as to what issues and items need to be covered, and even provides hints as to how to handle conflict. ("You mean you're going to want the TV? But I love that TV! Forget it! Our relationship is over!") All in all the volume handles the written agreements that translate into protection of each half of a couple's interests in a relationship and its "property" extremely well --- along with those documents required to ensure that you can create some of the additional rights that are automatically created with a civil marriage, and certain other needs of any couple (insurance, loans, etc.).
There is also a good section on how to handle children of or in the relationship, although these laws are more variant from state to state than marriage and contract laws.
Then we hit the Bad Times section.
Bad Times are so sad. (Pardon me whilst I reflect on the mistakes I've made, and give thanks for where I am today.)
Even with a written agreement, there are still going to be conflicts. That cannot be helped. The list of Ten Essentials to handle a break up are excellent. Too many people believe that they can just "move along" with no lingering problems or unresolved issues. Don't be fooled. Even if being rid of him or her is the best thing that you've ever done, there are still going to be emotional and financial issues that you will need to deal with as the break-up process continues, and you begin to return to a single life.
There are suggestions as to how to handle the conflicts, with information on how to ensure that once you're done disagreeing there's something left to divide, along with an overview on how the legal process works, so that you might use it where needed, without being afraid of it --- or letting it take over the process.
All in all, this is an excellent book, and one that I would recommend to anybody in a relationship, or considering entering into one.
Remember --- this book and the information contained within isn't just for those who wish they could marry, or believe that they are married. Any time you live with somebody you are intertwining your life and possessions. Very few households have two refrigerators, and somebody is going to need one if the relationship ends.
Legal Affairs is only available in paperback, and very reasonably priced at $$17.95. Discounts are available through many bookstores, including the online amazon.com.