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Sex! Sex! Sex!

How many of you clicked on the link to read this story because of its title? Come on.... fess up....

A friend of mine was talking to a gay man about being out and outing. He said to her, in all seriousness, "Why do we want to talk about sex in public?"

She was rather taken aback, she thought it was only them who believe that all there is to our lives is sex. She didn't realize that some of us feel that way as well.

Then, I'm watching Ellen the other night, and in an otherwise superb episode (which really made wonderful fun of some too politically correct type folks) Ellen quipped regarding hiring somebody out of the Community Yellow Pages, something along the lines of "I get to peak into their bedroom before I hire them...."

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe for the majority of gay men and lesbians the only thing we're about is sex. In some ways that makes sense. Other than who we choose to sleep with and/or build relationships with, our lives are just the same as everybody else's, right?

In many ways that is right. My daily "agenda" (not to be confused with my more global agenda) includes such exciting tasks as:

Taking something out for dinner
Reading the newspaper
Working
Helping Daniel with his homework
Annoying T at the office
Making dinner

Other than being the perfect little HouseDyke© the only difference between my life and that of so many others is with whom I slip into bed at night, too tired to do anything but sleep.

Which somehow brings us back to sex.

I think all but the most jaded of us know that there is more to our lives than our sleeping partner(s). But we also know that our "status" as gays or lesbians (or bisexuals in a same-gender relationship) creates situations in our lives that make the world different for us than it exists for non gays or lesbians.

This exists whether we're out or not -

If we're out, people are going to take note of our orientation, even if it's totally positive. They'll ask us questions about our lives, that people who don't know, or people who don't care to think about it, would never ask (at times even embarrassingly personal questions). Sometimes the same enquiries that people normally ask each other... and sometimes those silly questions ("What do you do in bed!?").

If we're not out, we're going to react differently to normal situations. "What did you do this weekend?" takes on an entirely new dimension. "Do they know?" "Are they wondering about me and [insert partner's name]?" "Are they trying to trap me into an admission?"

But wait, what happened to us being all about sex? I keep losing that somehow.

There, of course, is the point.

Yes, a substantive difference in our lives is that we form our romantic relationships and have sex with people who are of the same gender as we are.

Yes, this can have an effect on our daily lives.

But is who we sleep with the totality of our identities as gays and lesbians?

I don't think so.

In pride,
Deborah

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