An Agenda of Respect
I was talking to a very good friend, an incredible young woman I met during this past year, about an incident she described as "yucky homophobia" at her place of employment.
This woman is a recent graduate of one of the Seven Sister colleges, her work in the field of Anthropology providing her with much insight into the behavior and development of cultures and social mores.
She is very socially aware, she loathes injustice, her view is global in nature, not limited to her own city, state, or country and she will be a part of making the world a better place for all.
So, it was to no one's surprise that she took a job as a "Violence Prevention Coordinator," at a middle school as part of a federally funded program.
Her duties include facilitating a "girls' empowerment group," at a
school primarily serving disadvantaged youth, in other words, empowering
the girls in an institution that allows power to none. Quoting her,
"my job is to try to 'empower' girls and create "community"
mediation...against the grain of everything else happening at the school ---
talk about
setting me up for failure."
It was in that atmosphere the "yucky homophobia" occurred.
At the first meeting of the empowerment group, the girls had several questions about how the group would be run, their first question, "Will boys be allowed in the group?" When they were told that no boys would be allowed, the next question was, "Will there be lesbians (allowed) in the group?"
Simultaneous with the affirmative response, the girls exploded into a plethora of comments, including, "that's sick and wrong!" and "Girls kissing! Icky!" finishing with "Lesbians have to leave."
To which my friend responded, "No," and told them that if they had a problem with that they should be the ones to leave.
The girls then decided to play "Who is the lesbian?" and started their version of a witch hunt, trying to figure out who the lesbian was --- which my friend also informed them was unacceptable and that, "[They] were just going to leave it at that there would probably be lesbians."
Being a good facilitator my friend used this to segue into a discussion of "safe space," why it's important, what it means, and why teasing and put downs about inherent traits, whether it be orientation, skin color, the need to wear glasses, or something even more innocuous, are destructive to a society, and something to avoid.
The girls, discovering that they could discuss anything, were also very curious about matters of sexuality, and started quizzing my friend on hers, who after much prodding did let them know that she is a lesbian, in a committed relationship, living with a woman whom she loves.
The girls, being insatiably curious, asked all about her and her other half, showing much more interest in the day to day doings of a lesbian (shopping, TV shows, music, schooling) than anything that is mostly done behind the proverbial "closed doors."
By the time the discussion wrapped up for the day, the girls were less into "icky" and more into "so when do we get to meet your girlfriend" and all in all it was a positive experience for all.
Except a parent complained.
And my friend was told to "watch herself."
(Which is why I have not identified her fully, in case you had been wondering.)
That if she was going to "come out" to her groups that people might think she has "an agenda."
Let's put aside for the moment that the girls had to practically drag out of her the nature of her own orientation.
What agenda?
- That people shouldn't hate or ostracize a person exclusively because they are a member of a group
- That people should be treated with decency and respect even if you do not like them for one reason or another
- That people should be treated with decency and respect even if you "object" to an aspect of their life.
- That people are entitled to places where they can feel safe, and do not have to worry about physical or emotional injury and can relax, or let down their guard.
Which is what she is supposed to teach these young women.
To empower themselves.
To know that they are entitled to be treated decently, and with a certain measure of respect.
That they are entitled to that no less than any other person.
Which means that respect must be given, as well as expected.
My friend expected it - and did not say, "Yes, I'm sorry, it won't happen again," to the administration at her school.
Instead she took the time to tell them exactly what happened, taking the chance they would still have objection.
And demanded their respect.
And that's an Agenda I'll sign up for any time.
In pride,
Deborah
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